Growing in Complete Love – Interdependent Relationship

I haven’t been writing for a while, as I promised to you I want to tell you about “Growing in Love”.

A Complete Love

Here I like to refer to the Sternberg’s definition of love. Imagine a triangle made of Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment; these are the three elements of “Complete Love” according to the Sternberg’s definition.

Other kinds of Love or Relationships

So, what happen if there are only two of these elements are available in a relationship, for example intimacy and passion? This is what Sternberg called “Romantic Relationship”, similar to what I have described in my article “When We Thought We Were in Love”. When two peoples care about each other and they are passionate about one another. There is physical attraction between them and they might share many secretes with each other.Now how about a relationship in which there is only one element exist? For example passion, this is “Love at First Sight”, similar to my article, “When I was in Love”. Another example is when the only element available is commitment without any passion or intimacy, this is an empty relationship where usually is the end of the relationship or a marriage which has been kept for the sake of children, financial difficulties or the society’s disapproval of divorce. Finally, in the companionship of two people who may share secretes and they are committed to one another but they are not passionate or physically attracted to each other, this is similar to the relationship between two good friends which I have illustrated in my article “Meaningful Relationships”.

On the other hand if you have all the three elements of love in your relationship, according to Sternberg you are in a “Complete Love” relationship.

Now you may want to make a list of the people you know or you may want to think about your relationships and find out what kind of relationships you are in?

When I Grow in Complete Love

Today, I want to share with you how is growing in love; in another word, how is to grow in a complete love.

When we met each other, we did not know anything about each other. At first we haven’t even asked many questions from each other except the basic information such as our names and our professions. But, there was a simple on-going conversation between us with no expectations.

We started our relationship like two friends whom were comfortable with one another and supported each other in some areas. As the relationships grown further we supported each other in various occasions with no co-dependency. We gradually realized that we have common interests, common goals and we have similar out look to the life. It was then that we became more and more intimated and we disclosed more personal information and our deeper thoughts and feelings. We talked about more serious matters such as our future’s plan, financial situations, children up-bringing, our values, etc.

We occasionally had some disagreements, misunderstandings and a few arguments which mostly happens during the early stages. However, we did not jump to any conclusion and every time we faced conflicts, one or both of us behaved in a more matured manner and we resolved the issues through mutual and understanding communications.

Our young relationship was like a seed to us which we both committed ourselves to take care of it and every time that there was a misunderstanding, we gave ourselves enough time to think over the issues in a more objective manner. Each time, we put our love in between us and considered the best options for our relationship instead of simply thinking about our own agendas and benefits.

We have slowly learned about each others’ emotions, feelings, sensitivities, weakness, and strengths and by supporting each other we encouraged one another to work through our strengths and improve our personalities whilst adapting new alternatives when face our weaknesses.

20 characteristics of a Happy Healthy Loving Relationship:

There are so many factors that are nurturing a relationship to fulfill every person’s desire for a loving and intimate relationship. Here I am going to share with you a few of these factors and characteristic:

Openness: when two people are open to experience and open to new ideas they are able to see the other partner’s point of view and therefore able to sympathies with their partner. They will also enjoy learning something new and experiencing something different. openness goes hand in hand with acceptance.
Kindness: if both parties are kind enough, they can empathize with their partner who goes through difficult time. Kindness with empathy helps partners to feel being understood and supported.
Acceptance: unconditional acceptance provide a safe space for each partner to be themselves and to experience a true love without conditions. This is necessary for improving the self-esteem and the self-confidence of every individual.
Compromise: if both partners are willing to compromise when face different ideas, interests and situations; it gives each person a sense of having a win-win relationship and encourage both partners for a mutual understanding of their needs .
Forgiveness: One necessary factor in face of misunderstanding or hurtful situations is forgiveness. if both partners are generous enough to forgive the other party to save their love, they will be able to move beyond the painful situations.
Supportiveness: Being supportive in the rainy days which might happen throughout each person’s life journey is a key factor for having a meaningful relationship.
Humility: If one can kill one’s ego, one can then request for forgiveness, humility is the key for asking forgiveness.
Creativity: At times, we need to create new ideas to bring varieties in our relationship and make it more dynamic and happy. For example, having a romantic night, giving a birthday’s gift or planning for an event needs a good sense of creativity.
Investment: To be able to compromise, to be creative and to forgive, it takes a fair amount of mental and physical energy investment. In this way the relationships will be nurtured in a long run.
Patience: To avoid unhappiness and misunderstandings partners need to be patience and do not jump to the conclusion and avoid wrong judgment in face of conflicts. It is only after clearing the dark clouds from the sky that we can see the light of the truth. This needs a fair amount of patience.
Good Listener: at times we all need a good listening ear when we face difficulties in our work place or other stations. Willingness to listen to our partner wholeheartedly needs skills and attentiveness.
Humor: Sometime, humor is a way to get out of the conflict or to lighten the heavy burden of the difficult moments. If one or both parties have a sense of humor, it helps the relationships to be happier and to get over the conflicts easier.
Spontaneity: A dynamic relationship need flexibility and spontaneity to make the moments more interesting and enjoyable.
Sociability: When both parties are sociable and pleasant, they can interact with other friends and relatives and it will nurture their relationship by bringing more diversity in their activities and enable partners to have other meaningful relationships with respect to their boundaries.
Respectfulness: respecting every human is a virtue, but being in a long term relationship needs more awareness of being respectful to the other parties’ ideas, feelings, differences etc.
Affectionate: We cannot be in a passionate love relationship without expressing how we feel about our partner. Partners must often tell each other how much they care about one another and how they feel about each other. Expressing love and emotions gives both parties a feeling of being important and being loved. This will nurture the root of the loving relationship and improve partner’s confidence in their love relationship.
Assertiveness: Each party must be assertive and express their needs and emotions. Partners must inform one another about their point of views or their feelings. We should not expect our partner to read our minds or to feel our emotions.
Honesty: the most significant factor in the relationship is honesty. It will bring a sense of mutual trust and security in the relationship. The foundation of any happy loving relationship is mutual trust and honesty.
Self-actualization: This is one of the higher needs for every human being. In a complete love relationship each partner assist and support the other partner to realize their full potential and to fulfill their needs for self-actualization.
Sharing Dreams: When two people are in a complete love, not only they are able to realize their personal dreams, but they will enjoy the happiness and the joy of sharing their dreams with one another.

Growing in a Complete Love is not only about growing a happy and healthy loving relationship; it is also about two people helping one another to improve their personalities to reach up to their full potentials. It is a growing journey of two travelers who become self-actualized individuals whom share their dreams.

As you may thought these factors and characteristics are not limited to a loving relationship, but they are necessary for any happy and healthy relationships with ourselves and with others. It is also true that many of these factors are the characteristics of a healthy personality. Hence, if two healthy people enter a relationship, most probably their relationship will grow in a healthy and happy way, whilst they themselves also improve their personalities to reach up to their full potentials and to become self-actualized individuals whom share their dreams with one another.

In the end, I am sure these are not the only virtues about having a healthy loving relationship. This is what I have summarized from my personal experience. Please do feel free to share your personal experience with us too and let us know how one can grow in a “Complete Love”.

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