Meaningful Relationships
I was having lunch with one of my best friends in a cozy corner of Singapore. During our lunch we talked about several topics related to work, society, and our personal lives. We felt deeply involved in our conversation and we enjoyed our moments. It was then that I thought about how meaningful our relationship is. I have therefore decided to write an article about meaningful relationships to share my point of view with you.
In our everyday life we interact with people in our work place, social circle and family; most of these relationships are superficial rather than deep.
Example 1: Social Gatherings
Imagine yourself in a social gathering; everybody introduces themselves and starts mingling with each other. Then they may eat and drink while talking about politics, news or other events. But they seldom talk about themselves on a personal level. It seems that they want to escape from talking about their own feelings, thoughts and lives. Once the gathering finishes everybody says their goodbyes and goes about their own lives. How many of these people really opened themselves or felt intimacy and closeness to one another? How many of them learned from each other by sharing their true feelings, thoughts and experiences?
You may say that it is not necessary to open ourselves to everybody. That’s right, but what I mean is being real and not giving in to pretenses and false gaiety.
Example 2: Games People Play
In our commercial society it might be not easy to find meaningful relationships easily and one may find most relationships shallow or diplomatic. Often relationships are for short time which usually introduces masks while interacting with one another.
It is good to know that we all search for intimacy and meaningful relationships in our interpersonal interactions. But to find it, we may go through different directions. Erik Berne in his book, ‘Games People Play’ categorized a series of patterned and predictable transactions in which people interact. You may want to read his book to have a better understanding about people’s social interactions.
What is a meaningful relationship?
A relationship is meaningful when you feel safe and secure to be your real self. You feel comfortable to speak your mind and you are accepted unconditionally. When you are in a meaningful relationship you feel listened too, understood and touched emotionally. You grow in these relationships through respectful criticism and by learning from one another.
How is it like to experience a meaningful relationship?
You may have a feeling of being
- Touched emotionally or intellectually
- Listened to or spoken to
- Supported or needed
- Mentored or respected
- Accepted unconditionally without judgements and able to accept the other in the same way
- Admired and feel that the other person is worthy of admiration
- Motivated and inspired while being able to affect the other person positively
- Relaxed, and secure while being able to trust, comfort and accommodate the other person
- Criticized positively while being able to do the same for the other
- Cared for and being there for the other person
In short a meaningful relationship allows you to discover yourself and the world by expanding your boundaries. But it is important to note that the level of our expectations from relationships and the measurement of fulfillment from them is subjective to different individuals.
The importance of having a meaningful relationship with ourselves
In my point of view, to have meaningful relationships, we should have honest relationships with ourselves in the first place. If we come to know, accept and respect the real person in us with all its strengths and weaknesses, we do not have to play any games with others in order to be accepted, loved or approved.
To have meaningful relationships with others, we need to feel secure and safe from inside, understand ourselves and be open to criticism for the sake of self-growth. We need to listen to ourselves and grow in our love for ourselves to find our inner peace and calm.
Applying meaning in our interpersonal interactions
Once a person has accepted oneself the way that he or she is, one may be able to apply meaning in one’s interactions with others easily. By being honest, open and being real we will provide a safe and comfortable atmosphere for ourselves and others to experience meaningful relationships and fulfilling moments.
salam dokhtar khale joon
omidvaram ozat oonja roo be rah bashe
merci be khatere hame mail haye khoobet
del shad bashi @
Hi Hamid
Merci az in ke be blogam sar zadi
oza taghriban mesle hamishe ast be in dalil ke sokan dar dast keshtibane agar che keshti dar sahili bi enteh
your are most welcome.
wish you all the best and looking forward to see you in Iran
Life is yours if you wish to,
In the context of counseling and therapy, to experience meaningful therapeutic relationship is to give the client the gift of time. We never give the impression that we care if we always in a hurry. Maybe that’s the problem with many counselors and therapists who impressed with their skills, experience and knowledge but their clients doubt their sincerity and heart for caring because they always in a hurry.
I think you put great effort to invest in patience and time to listen to their often interminable stories and thus gain rewards in trust and motivating your clients.
iam very happy when i saw IRANIAN women in other countrey because IRAN lik (JEHENEM).
and iam in kurdistan in ERBIL my job is adminstaitor in the labur and social affairs .I will mbe work in social
with best wishis.
very interesting blog. However base on my experience there are many items influence a relationship. It is not only honesty or being yourself. Even sometimes being yourself harms a relationship.
For instance here in Singapore I found out that I should never be serious. Just hanging around, talk casually, laugh and enjoy your time with people around you, thats it. The fact is, I am pretty older than almost all other students here. Sometimes they start to talk about their issues (honesty I encourage them to talk) but you know they are so naive in terms of experience and decisions at least from my point of view so I usually have to be negative and give them some advice and tell them some stories about my own experience. I never force anyone to do what I believe but it doesn’t matter they just don’t like to hear NO you are wrong or may be you should think more carefully. people just ask you to have your support in their decisions they make.
I received this comment about myself thousands of times that you (it means me) always lessen our confident. But when I am not serious and just joking with people they are happy and nobody hurts so I am happy too (not always).
Hi Mostafa
I like the way that you explained about your experience with people. Especially when you want to listen their stories or help them for their decision making and to support them, giving advice, or just hearing them.
I also like to share with you my point of view and my experience;
- The person needs to believe on you, or being open and willing to share with you and hear from you.
- Having similar experiences is not necessary, but helpful for better mutual understanding.
- Overall no body likes being given advice, particularly when it means that the person is not (good)enough.
- We need to find insight to our situations and issues. This insight may be facilitated by others reflections and not advice giving.
- Reflecting our feelings and thoughts in a genuine, real and spontaneous manner will facilitate the process for the the person to find insight about issues as well as oneself.
I think we can discuss more about this…
Thanks
Maliheh
mamnon az shoma maliheh jan. mavafagh bashid