What if Your Partner Seems to be Too Busy for You
At some point in your life you and your partner may appear to be on opposite sides of the road. In a previous article, we discussed the reasons why one person may find himself too busy for his relationship. In this article I would like to discuses the flip-side.
Imagine a person who is trying to escape and the other person running after to catch him. One party is trying his best to avoid and the other party trying her best to catch up. If they continue this way they wont ever meet. What may be the reasons behind this pointless race?
Two Different Worlds
First thing you may have to consider is that you are two different individuals from two different worlds with different needs and desires. The most important difference is your gender. Gender differences itself pose a lot of challenges to understanding each other. Moreover, there are other differences which influence your relationship and your communication within the relationship.
For example; a man may show his love by telling his partner “I Love You”; while his partner maybe a person who needs to feel the love instead of hearing “I Love You”. On the other hand, a woman who has prepared a surprise birthday party with a lots of effort may end up with a very icy reaction from her partner. The reason may be that she did not tell her partner how much she loves him and that she cares about him. In this example the man needs to hear about her love but the woman shows her love in a different way.
Being different is not limited to being a man or a woman. These differences are only some of the reasons which makes communication and understanding one another more challenging.
Suggestions:
I would like to suggest some of the factors you may want to consider to improve your relationship and decrease the distance between you and your partner.
First we start with the patterns and behaviors that you may need to stop and avoid…
Avoid exaggerated behaviors such as:
- Pushing him to find time for you and your suggested activities
- Distracting him while he is involved with a serious matter.
- Reacting on your partner’s reaction.
- Pleasing him by changing your life-style, behaviors, beliefs etc..
- Underestimating yourself and losing your self-confidence.
- Asking the same request in different ways.
- Exaggerating your love by constantly telling him or showing him.
- Making judgment or fantasizing about his thoughts and behaviors.
- Sending several messages through different people.
- Having sex when both of you are not prepared and ready for it.
- Questioning about why his is behaving so or whether he loves you.
- Behaving in a very demanding manner in terms of neediness for attention or care.
- Expecting him to fulfill your emptiness or meaninglessness that you may feel in your life.
- Exaggerating his qualities in your mind and making a God for yourself.
- Blaming yourself as a cause of all unhappiness.
Try these:
- Give your partner some space to find his own inner peace to be able to think and behave clearly and objectively.
- Find a right time and right place to share your feelings and thoughts about his behavior.
- Listen to him quietly with empathy and without judgment.
- Enter to his island and see his world from his point of view. You may see so many things that you were not able to see or understand before.
- Improve your sexual skills and find out more about your sexual relationship (You may need to get assistance from sexual therapist).
- Discover more about yourself and your unfinished issues which might come from the past. For example if you are trying to find parental approval or security from your partner.
- Let him feel the distance; by not being too active which makes him to be more passive in your relationship.
- Find out more about your own interests and desires which might necessarily not be in common with your partner; learn to be yourself.
- Give him a chance to show his love by telling you or showing you in the other ways. You need to slow down if you are too emotional.
- Learn more about gender differences as well as you and your partner’s personality differences.
- learn more about effective communication and apply it to your relationship.
- Improve your self-confidence which will make you more attractive to yourself and him.
- Be honest to yourself and to your partner, this is the most important thing you can do.
These two categories of behaviors are only a few from many others which are more related to each couple’s situation.
However, one thing I would like to highlight is to stop pushing your partner to come back to you by clinging on to him. Behaving in this manner will break down your self-confidence which would make you less attractive. Instead of filling the blank let him feel the blank by giving him space.
It is possible that this gap in your relationship is a sign to show you and your partner that you might not be in a right relationship. Please refer to the part one for more details.
To make a final decision about your relationship, its better to consult with a couple therapist who might be able to understand your situation and assist you in having a healthy and happy relationship.
Thank you and I appreciate your concern.
Your feedback gives me more motives to talk bout our daily life issues.
I am delighted and certainly was educated by this article. Thanks